For the past month I had fun. I was living and working fast. I had lots of ideas and the energy to implement them. It was great. In a picture, it was a bit like freefalling out of a plane. It was bound to end.
What I did not know, was that I was flushing the lithium out of my system and this freefalling had no brake.
(Un)fortuntely my doctor realised what was going on and made changes to my diet and how much liquid I am allowed to drink. It is torture - I am constantly thirsty and suddenly have headaches.
In addition to this, the parachute opened. I had a wild jerk back to reality and my speed is broken.
In the long run, I understand that I need a parachute. In the short term, I really had fun and I miss the pace. My mind slowed down, I need to read the same paragraph three times over just to grasp it. I think slower. My studies scare me, because truthfully, I'm not sure I can pull it off.
As a side effect of another drug, I am having nightmares and wake up too anxious to go back to sleep.
And then... I still have the same questions - where is God in the chaos of my life? What does He think of all the chemicals I take and the person I become? Is all of this really worth it?
