Taking stock

This time of the year (and again around my birthday), I tend to take stock of my life.

I am greatful that I managed my depression fairly well this year. I managed to reduce some of the medicine and have less questions about the chemicals I take than a year ago. I don't really miss alcohol or caffeine and generally do not mind going to bed early or getting exercise.

Yet, I have to wonder what God thinks when He looks at my life. Am I bearing the fruit He wants to see?

Depression is a big barrier between me and God. If He did not give me depression, He at the very least allowed it. He knows what the chemicals do to my body and He knows what happens if I do not take it. It is a HUGE no man's land. I can't talk to God about it.

When our community talked about healing, we agreed that our reflex should be to pray and trust God for healing. We acknowledged that not all people get healed and we do not know why. We also agreed that we should respect the sick person. If they do not want to pray, we will not do so publicly.

It is easy to think of theories. It is realtively easy to formulate policy. Dealing with broken bodies is a different topic altogether. My friend, Tom's, mom had her fourth round of chemo. My friend, Schalk's, dad has constant backpain. There are lots of broken bodies around. I wish there were easy answers that worked all the time. I wish there was a formula or a fix.

It is the end of another year. I still have very little answers. I still don't really understand much. I was a terrible friend this year. Yet, I hope that something I did somewhere along the line brought a smile to God's face. I hope that next year, He will pull me even closer to Him and that He will smile on my friends and me.

Christmas

"Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history, because it has meant the pouring into a sick world of the healing medicine of love which has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years. Underneath all the bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart." ~ George Adams

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is nostalgic. As a child, this was the day when we went to the farm and saw all our cousins again. It was HOT! on the farm, December temperatures are 40 degrees Celsius plus. There was no pool, no airconditioning, but none of it mattered. We made 'christmas beds', which meant we all slept on the floor in the lounge. If you consider stretchers to be beds, there were beds for all the grown-ups. We played and laughed.

On Christmas morning, we would all dress up in 'church clothes' and listen to the radio broadcasted Christmas service on the veranda. Nodding off and smiling were not permitted. Best behaviour only.

Today, I am grown up. I look around me and see people spending money they don't have on things they don't need and other don't really want. Cynical, I know.

My grandparents passed away, granny only this year and the last Christmas on the farm was 20 years ago. My parents are divorced. My mom is spending Christmas with my brother and sisters in London. My dad's girlfriend went on holiday with her family and he has been staying with me.

It could be a sad and dreary picture, if we don't turn our eyes tot the Reason for Christmas. Jesus, Emmanuel, leaving His Father's house to come and pitch a tent on earth, camping out with us. This remains the greatest miracle of all time.

So, this Christmas Eve, instead of sulking about bygones and getting lost in nostalgia, I am awestruck by a God who gave up everything to give the greatest gift of all. The King of Christmas came to sleep in a Christmas bed.

Jesus' spirituality

I would have hated to have Jesus on a church board. This week, I have been thinking about the woman caught in the act of adultery (Matthew 8). I saw "The Women" last week and the story deals with how women dealt with a husband's betrayal.

When the woman in Matthew was brought to Jesus, He carried on writing in the sand. When she was accused, Jesus suggested that the person with no sin cast the first stone. Being a sinner, I love this. I can feel this woman's relief at the grace shown. I have always read it and thought of 'how Jesus showed the bad guys (accusers)'.

However, this week I thought of the repercussions. What about her husband and the other man's wife? What about the kids? Would they be the laughingstock of their community? Would the children be a weapon in tug of war? What happened after Jesus left?

I often wish that the 'happily ever after' was recorded too. If Jesus was on a church board, I am afraid I would chicken out. What about fairness? What about the other parties involved? What happens where the tyre hits the road?

On a night like tonight I realise how little I really know and understand. May God have mercy on all of us.