Robben Island

Last week my brother got married. He lives in the UK, but they wanted a South African ceremony.

Being in Cape Town for the wedding, I made use of the opportunity to see Robben Island. Nelson Mandela, Madiba, spent 18 years in a small cell on the island. The tour was both insightful and touching. All the important sites are pointed out from a bus until you reach the prison and meet someone who was imprisoned there as a 'political prisoner'. I cannot meet a person like that nor visit a place like Robben Island without feeling sincere regret for the sins of Apartheid.

After the visit to the prison, you walk back to the ferry. On Tuesday morning the rain was pouring down and with the wind became almost horizontal. As I walked into the rain and got soaking wet, I felt more alive than I did in weeks.

Maybe seeing a physical prison helped. Maybe the rain, washing away my cobwebs did the trick. My new cocktail (meds) might have kicked in. I choose to believe that God did a miracle. It does not matter what He used to do so.

Darkness

I am in a dark place. What started as a mixed episode (up and down), now went black.

It is difficult to relate to God, my community, my friends - even colleagues. I am finding more and more reasons to avoid just about every important person in my life. If I am tired of my dark mood, how must they feel?

I am about to give up on myself. I am tired of fighting a fight I cannot win. I battle to see any sense or purpose. Just tired. And dark.