Prayer for 2008

Christ, as a light

illumine and guide me.

Christ, as a shield

overshadow me.

Christ under me;

Christ over me;

Christ beside me

on my left and my right.

This day be within and without me,

lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.

Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;

in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.

This day be within and without me,

lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.

Christ as a light;

Christ as a shield;

Christ beside me
on my left and my right.

St Patrick's breastplate

New Years' Eve

I can remember where I was and what I did last year. In the morning I spent time with my Kleipot friends, in the afternoon we did our last 'fun activity' ever as a family - I took my parents and sister to the Montecasino Bird Park. I spent the evening with dear friends and then we fell asleep on their couches, 'waiting for the new year'. This is significant, because it is followed by a blur of memories, not too many very clear.

I can remember how excited I was because the coming of a new year announced then end of a period of extended working hours. And then, only five days later the wheels started coming off when a hand surgeon told me I have a melanoma.

Today I am scared of the new year. I wish I could hide somewhere until it is all over. I do not have a family to take to a bird park or anywhere else. I think I freaked those dear friends out this year - we have not spent time together in many months. I am way too scared to be excited about 2008.

I made many mistakes and I cannot undo them. I think I might have lost hope. I have given up on so many dreams and relationships and myself. I miss my friends. I feel betrayed in so many ways. I also know that I am probably irrational, but that does not make the pain less real.

May God help me in the year to come. May He protect me. May He keep His hand over me and those I love. May He keep my dad and his new family. My brother, my sister, my mom, my friends... May we know the grace of God in 2008. May He help me not to see a whole year, but rather a day at a time. Just one day and His grace in it.

Christmas 2007

This morning I was reminded of all God's special gifts in my life. He gave me the most amazing friends, people who stood by me through heartache and times when I was impossible.

To me Christmas is Jesus who came to earth and pitched a tent amongst ours (John says He 'tabernacled' amongst us). Jesus lived on earth for 33 years, died for me and you and then rose and ascended to heaven.

He left a legacy and a body. The body had its work cut out - go, tell, baptize and disciple (Matthew 28:19) and I think it really was that simple. Over the centuries we complicated our job and compromised in so many areas.

Today - I think the message is still much the same... go (move out of your comfort zone)! Tell (and when absolutely necessary use words)! Baptize! Disciple (by mimicking Jesus and encouraging others to also do that)!

I know this became a cliche .... but we really might be somebody's Bible. This year my friends became my Bible. When I could not pray, I knew they did. They became Jesus who pitched up a tent next to mine and called me family.

So, on this Christmas day 2007, I thank God for Jesus who came to dwell amongst broken people like us and for people who have the courage to follow Him.

May God bless & keep you!

Reconcilation and Restitution

Today is a public holiday in South Africa, because yesterday was the Day of Reconciliation. Pre 1994, the day was known as 'Geloftedag'.

In 1838 a man named Sarel Cilliers prayed that God would protect the Afrikaners and give the enemy in their hand (Zulus in this battle). He promised that the Afrikaners would then commemorate 16 December every year and keep it as a Sabbath.

Post 1994, the day changed to the Day of Reconciliation. Last year, a bunch of us built a sandpit for (black) blind kids living mostly in squatter camps. To me, it was a tangible way to seek reconciliation after Apartheid and make restitution.

This morning, I was confronted by reconciliation in a strange way. I love animated movies and missed Ratatouille. This morning I went to Clearwater Mall to see Bee movie. While I was in the movies, I received an sms from my bank verifying a transaction of R 1500 at Levi's. I have never owned Levi's - obviously someone was stealing from me. An hour later (after I immediately left the movie, had the card blocked and spoke to people at Levi's), I realised the only person who could have done it, was a young girl at NuMetro.

I was in two minds - I can't just storm in there and make accusations, but on the other hand, I was robbed!

It turned out that this girl did in fact take my card, asked to go to a supermarket to buy pap for her granny and then went to Levi's with my card.

When I had the centre's security, Levi's manager, NuMetro's manager and this girl in one office, I had to make a call. Do I report her to the police and have her arrested or do I let it go?

I think I am emotional and irrational these days. This kid is only seventeen years old. This was probably a first offence. If she has a criminal record, I know she will not find another job.

I dropped it. I am not sure if it was the right thing to do. I had the opportunity to have a thief apprehended, but chose to let her go. See, I have sinned. I could not cast a stone. I pray that God will help this girl to go away and not to sin anymore.

Reconciliation? It is work. We need to find ways to share the love of this God we told others chose us over them. Restitution? It is work. Every day. May God help us.

A song

Yesterday we discussed Mary's Magnificat and dwelled on the magnification of God despite all other things...


Young Mary was probably 14 - 16 years old. She had a real problem - she was pregnant! I am sure nobody would ask her how it happened, after all there is only one known way to fall pregnant. Joseph and Mary must have crossed that line, then. I am sure there was a lot of gossip and talking behind their backs.


It was also the time of the crazy king Herod who killed people (seemingly without reason) and who always felt threatened by other leaders. The Roman ceaser at the time - Augustus - was known as the son of god.

And then, young Mary sang her song. A song of God's faithfulness and all the great things He has done. Despite political leaders and her pregnancy. Despite the fact that she would probably be stoned because of her illegitimate Child, despite everything... a song of praise and to magnify God.

Tom's challenge was this - why don't we write songs or psalms to God in this Advent? Looking back on a year's journey, God must have done something for us?

So, here is my attempt:

Lord, I love you.

This year, I felt that you stripped chunks of who I thought I was away.

There were many days, I did not know where you were or how to reach you,

yet you have never left me.

Even when I could not see or hear or feel you,

you were with me.

You were a shield around me, a wall of fire.

Every time I fell, you picked me up.

Every time I sinned, you forgave.

You wiped my tears.

I still feel stripped, but now I know you are here.

You are more than just a sensoric experience...

When I don't see, hear, feel, smell or taste your presence,

you are still here.

You still protect me.

Lord, help me to know you better.

Help me to see you as you are.

Help me to look past my own ideas of who you should be and see you.

Lord, help my unbelief.

Please strengthen my knees when they buckle.

Please remind me of your loving kindness that is new every morning.

Amen

About Schmidt or about Jesus?

I adopted an orphan today. She will not live with me, but I can buy her a Christmas gift and food and some clothes. I can pray for her and maybe celebrate her birthday with her.

Her name is Lethu and she is 2-3 years old. She lives in a squatter camp north of Johannesburg (Diepsloot). This is all I know.

When I mentioned this 'adoption' to a colleague, he smiled and said 'Just like Schmidt!'. I had this internal debate for the rest of the morning and had to ask myself some serious questions. See, my friends also adopted some of these kids. Due to HIV Aids there are lots of orphans around and reality is that a lot of them will not have food to eat this Christmas. They do not have family.

So why do I want to adopt a black orphan I have never met? To validate my existence (like Schmidt)? To repent from Apartheid? Because I hate to see people suffer?

Yesterday Tom told a story about an American child. His dad tried to explain Christmas gifts and asked where they come from. The little guy replied that the wise men gave Jesus gifts. Then the dad said that Jesus is not on earth any more - so what about the gifts? Easy! Jesus said if you do it to the least of these, you have also done it to Me! So... we should give to the poor.

This Christmas, adopting an orphan is my reasonable faith. If Jesus was here, I would have loved to give Him gifts. I think He is here... just not where you would expect to find the King. I think He is in a squatter camp, giving me the opportunity to give this Christmas, the opportunity to make a Child smile.

New hope

I am always amazed when God speaks to me. It is humbling to know that the Almighty God knows about a human being and cares enough to speak to us.

Yesterday I saw my parents. They are old and bitter and out to get each other. The current fight is about the family pictures. Since they are both our parents, I believe they should share the photos, but they refuse to be civilised.

When I got home, I was overwhelmed by the devastation of everything I had and was a year ago. The image of a forest fire came to mind. It felt like there is NOTHING left - only the destruction and desolation.

This morning we discussed Isaiah 11:1-10. Tom had a picture of a forest fire and this is where I believe God spoke to me. There is hope. Jesus is my hope for today and tonight and the day of tomorrow. I might not have any answers right now and there might be real destruction in my life, but He can make it new.

I was sure we are not supposed to celebrate Christmas (maybe just because my family hurts real bad at the moment), but today's Advent message brought hope in my heart and life.

Tonight, I see a new picture - that of a bright green shoot, growing in the scarred forest of what used to be my life. It is a new beginning, a new reality - and very real.

Plans

In our community we have a great rhythm. In January we formalise our growth plans for the year and discuss it with our accountability partners. They need to agree that the plans are realistic, yet challenging - after all the purpose is to grow.

This year my accountability partner and I were all charged up and confident that we will do a lot more than we said in our plans. We are both fairly disciplined and probably both used to over-achieving. Then life happened.

Sakkie and Lindie now have two more little miracles sharing their home. Hugo and Nina were born in the winter. Paul turned out to be a great big brother. If you have read my blog over the past year, you would know that life happened to me as well.

The point of the story? It is Advent. It is time to prepare for my walk with God in the year to come. Yes, we will formalise new plans, but they might look a bit different.

What was simple, e.g. reading a few chapters in my Bible before the crack of dawn, is now complex. I need 8 hours of sleep per night, not because I am lazy, but because my mind really needs it. I still battle to concentrate when reading and I miss it a lot. I miss picking up my Bible (or another book) and getting lost in it.

My new plan? I don't know yet. This morning I was listening to an audio Bible on my way to work. Maybe that could solve a part of my problem?

I know I am more humble than a year ago. I know that in myself I am not much. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know I am a broken clay pot. I pray that I will know God more intimately - I pray that Lindie and her family will know God more intimately. I pray that He will help us, not only to make a list of plans, but also to see it through. It really is about Him, after all.

A staff, a drum and maybe some food

My friend, Tom, appealed to his friends not to buy him gifts this Christmas. He wants his rich friends to rather help his less fortunate friends. See, somewhere along the line, Christmas became an occasion where rich people buy more gifts for other rich people. This is not the heart of Christmas.

Christmas is not about shopping sprees to the tunes of BoneyM. Advent (starting tomorrow) traditionally is a time of serious reflection. It is not unlike Lent where we fast from earthly pleasures.

Originally it was a season preparing for Epiphany, January 6—which commemorates not Jesus' birth, but his adoration by the Magi (in the West) or his baptism in the Jordan River (in the East).

Some people claim Advent was first celebrated by the apostle Peter, but the exact starting date of the season has been lost to history.

Whenever it started, Advent originally was a time of fasting and self-reflection. In the mid-300s, two events changed that thinking: Constantine the Great built the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, declaring Jesus' birthday a national holiday; and Julius (bishop of Rome), set the date as December 25.

Christmas took on a happier, more celebratory feel and became a time of joyous anticipation. (By the mid-400s, even the Eastern church—with a few exceptions—recognized December 25 as Christmas. However, Advent is still a much more solemn occasion among Orthodox

For the church, purple (and blue), not red and green, are this season's colors. Over time, Advent also became an occasion to reflect on the coming of Jesus' Kingdom. This is SO MUCH MORE than His birth.

Yes, Jesus becoming flesh (pitching a tent on earth?) is a miracle. He made it possible for us, sinners - broken people, to become part of the Kingdom of God. If He did not come, we would have been lost.

Yet, I don't see any instuctions for us to celebrate His birth. However, I do see an instruction to go and spread the message that the Kingdom is near. I do hear James saying we can't just 'wish everybody has enough' when we have the means to make a diference.

I don't think Jesus is asking rocket science. I think He is asking what we have, just like Moses and his staff. Today I heard 'Drummer boy' on the radio and I believe Jesus would have listened to him playing his drum if that was what he could offer.

What is in your hand? Your cupboards? What skills do you have? Let us give that this Christmas. Maybe we should leave our 'thrones' a while and serve God by serving others. Let's accept the challenge to make a difference and spread the Good News that Jesus came to set the captives free, open prison doors, make the blind see... What do you think?