I can remember where I was and what I did last year. In the morning I spent time with my Kleipot friends, in the afternoon we did our last 'fun activity' ever as a family - I took my parents and sister to the Montecasino Bird Park. I spent the evening with dear friends and then we fell asleep on their couches, 'waiting for the new year'. This is significant, because it is followed by a blur of memories, not too many very clear.
I can remember how excited I was because the coming of a new year announced then end of a period of extended working hours. And then, only five days later the wheels started coming off when a hand surgeon told me I have a melanoma.
Today I am scared of the new year. I wish I could hide somewhere until it is all over. I do not have a family to take to a bird park or anywhere else. I think I freaked those dear friends out this year - we have not spent time together in many months. I am way too scared to be excited about 2008.
I made many mistakes and I cannot undo them. I think I might have lost hope. I have given up on so many dreams and relationships and myself. I miss my friends. I feel betrayed in so many ways. I also know that I am probably irrational, but that does not make the pain less real.
May God help me in the year to come. May He protect me. May He keep His hand over me and those I love. May He keep my dad and his new family. My brother, my sister, my mom, my friends... May we know the grace of God in 2008. May He help me not to see a whole year, but rather a day at a time. Just one day and His grace in it.
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