Winter solstice

Saturday was winter solstice in the southern hemisphere. In theory the longest night of this winter is over and summer is on its way.

I am under no illusion about the temperatures and have no doubt that we will see more cold fronts. It will still be dark when I leave for work and it will probably be dark again by the time I leave the office, but there is the promise of summer and longer days.

I would like to believe that winter solstice in my life is also over. Yes, sometimes it is cold and dark, but it is getting better. There is God's sunshine when a child laughs with me. There is the comfort of friends I engage with again. In the meantime, my meds work. I am in a routine that seems to help. And there is the promise that the long night is not forever.

Summer is coming.

God as hostage?

Crazy idea, I know. God is Almighty, not a hostage. He is not a genie in a bottle. He does not do party tricks. He does not do magic. He is, He always was and He always will be.

However, sometimes I think we treat God just like a hostage. Over the past weekend a few friends (elders from Claypot) went to the Drakensberg to think and pray and brainstorm. Like often before we started sharing stories.

I went through a phase whilst studying Theology where I believed God will heal me from anything. I refused to take headache tablets and even put my glasses away, expecting God to heal my eyes. After two years, my prescription doubled. God did not heal my eyes.

I thought it was the end of the world. I prayed, I read God's word (I even read it aloud to Him), I listened to testimonies, there was a lot of introspection and confession. Yet, nothing 'did the trick'.

I shared this story over the weekend and since I spend a lot of time in traffic, I thought some more about some of the stories we shared.

When all is said and done - God is nobody's hostage. He is no 'bound by His word' like I used to confess. God is not a genie in a bottle. He works miracles, yes, but not magic. His miracles are often a little uncomfortable. God is God. God is Almighty. He is Sovereign and I cannot twist His arm. This might sound harsh, but tonight it is a comforting thought.

Spirit of God

Our community is battling with the Holy Spirit. We have Christians from virtually every possible theological background - Charismatics, Pentecostals, Reformed... those who believe that you have to be baptized in the Spirit and talk in tongues and those who think we have the Spirit, otherwise it would be impossible to say "Jesus is Lord".

Obviously this leads of different expectations of God, each other and our meetings. Obviously not everybody wll be satisfied.

I have a lot of respect for Tom's wisdom, ability to teach and gentle manner. Over the past few months he repeated the same answers to the same questions in virtually every service. Now we are discussing the Spirit of God in Quarry (a Bible study session once a week for three weeks).

Last week we talked about the Spirit in the Old Testament and gospels. This week we will work through the remainder of the New Tesament and the next week we will look at the practice.

May the Spirit of God be known in our presence. May He manifest in the fruit we bear. May people be drawn to God through the way we conduct ourselves and may our quest bring us closer to God and each other.

Letting go / finding

Sometimes I think God is brutal and at other times, He is so gentle. Sometimes I feel like He punishes and I am too scared to invite God in all His power to take charge, but mostly, God is in the gentle breeze.

I had a blow up with my friends last year. Subsequent to that I was really hurt and felt they dropped me when I needed them most. Things have never been quite the same. Our relationship became forced and we only saw each other at church meetings. I always felt awkward because I have lost my temper and I really did not want to be friends again.

Whilst in London, I had a lot of time to think and just be. On a sunny afternoon, I was sitting on Trafalgar square, watching the tourists (not) feeding the pigeons. I remembered a phone call from my friend when I was sitting in the same spot last year. I really wanted to call, but thought it would be weird. So I did the next best thing - I tore a page out of my sketch book and started writing a letter. Mika was singing on my iPod about saying goodbye to the world you thought you lived in and the penny dropped.

I think I was still angry. I thought I had a right to love and support and was furious when I did not get it. I had to let go. I never had rights. In the same way, I never had a right to health, a happy and loving family and a lot of other things I thought.

A day or two after I got back to South Africa, my friend sent me a text message saying she wanted to have coffee and just look me in the eyes, she wanted to tell me that I was forgiven and wanted to ask forgiveness. Obviously I assumed she got my letter and was really grateful that things were going to be fine.

Ten days after that, I got another message - she had just received my letter.

Coincidence? I don't think so. I think the Spirit of God stirred the same thing in both our hearts sitting a opposite ends of the globe. To me, this is a miracle. None of us 'made the first move'. None of us can take the honour. The Spirit of God was in the gentle breeze. He compelled, but did not force. I can assure you that I did not have goosebumps and I was so scared writing and mailing that letter.

We still didn't have that coffee, but we have been speaking. We'll spend some time next weekend and I look forward to it.