I am at wits' end.
I feel like something is choking me and even swallowing is hard. I do not understand God's thinking when it comes to healing and wellbeing. I do not understand how darkness can come and fill up my entire being.
Today my heart wants to break, because I am constantly two steps behind. I am tired and no amount of sleep seems to make a difference. I am taking my medicine, despite side effects. I am exercising. I am eating healthy stuff. I eliminated caffeine and alcohol two years ago... and yet, I am weepy for no rational reason.
I do not understand why God cannot take the darkness away. I want to love Him. I want to love people. I want to love my cat and my job. I want to be able to enjoy a good book again, yet I battle to follow simple instructions on an email. All I am feeling is coldness, darkness and loneliness. And then the really dark thought comes... what if I could just go to sleep and stay in that blissful state?
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