It is winter in South Africa and it might therefore be easier for me to imagine... the people around me form a patchwork-blanket. In this blanket each person retains his or her individuality and bring more colour and texture to the party.
This blanket is my comfort. It protects me from the cold of the world and my missing marbles.
When someone departs, it leaves a gaping hole and I feel exposed. When, on top of that two of the other pieces are battling with serious disease, my world feels a little shaky.
A dear friend who suffers from bipolar disorder, started ECT this morning. I went from being supportive when I spoke to his wife, to really shaken in just a few minutes. I am sad for them. Closer to home is the fact that I am able to hope that I can manage depression by looking at their journey.
The side effects that moved him to this radical decision are the same ones I experience. It freaks me out. On a more personal note, I battle to understand how a loving God allows a disease like bipolar disorder or depression, knowing what it does to us...people who are really trying to follow Him.
To some extent, it would have been easier to just cast out a devil or rebuke satan than trying to make sense of this relationship with God. Sometimes it does feel like He is failing me. And then... in the bigger scheme of things, one life might not be all that relevant and important.
For now, wipe the tears. Chin up. The show must go on.
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