Beloved

It snowed in Johannesburg! Shortly before midnight my neighbour woke me up to come and look at the snow. It was beautiful! Those of you who live in Johannesburg or have visited, will know that snow is really unusual here.

It reminded me of a story ons of our lecturers told us. In 1981 he was counselling a lady with endogenous depression. She could simply not experience love. Not from people and definetely not from God. On a glorious spring day (in September) she burst out that if God loved her, He would make it snow! Our lecturer cringed. He was so sure that God loved this lady, but did he dare ask for snow? In Spring? In Johannesburg? The next day it snowed. 11 September 1981. He says the lady cried and cried, she knew that God loved her. Tragically, she committe suicide a few months later. However, that day she played in the snow with children, she laughed - she experienced God's touch.

Five weeks ago I was diagnosed with endogenous depression. Over the past few weeks I have had so many questions. Can a Christian have depression? Can God love me? Why doesn't He heal me? Whilst I was experiencing ghastly side effects from the medcation, somebody 'prophecied' that I was grieving the Holy Spirit by taking the medicine.

It is hard for me to experience love. It is tough to believe that my friends don't have hidden agendas and want the best for me. I am battling. I have lots of questions and hardly any answers.

But in the early morning hours, while I was watching the snow, I too experienced a glimpse of God's love. I did not ask for snow or any other signs yet I heard just a whisper that I am His beloved.