I have spent the past 6 days on MDP Study block 2. We literally worked from 7:30 - 20:00 every day, only breaking for meals.
This time there was no CSI game with the 'bipolar looney' as (innocent) transgressor, but unfortunately bipolar jokes became a trend.
I am probably hyper-sensitive about the issue, but I honestly do not find those jokes funny. Bipolar disorder turned my life around - it determines when and how much I sleep, when and what I eat how often I exercise, the chemicals I swallow every day... in essence every moment I am awake.
One of the lecturers on softer issues started his presentation by saying we should pray we never have bipolar bosses and bipolar people should not be promoted. It hurt. I have been in management for the past 10 years and honestly try to be fair in my decisions. I would love to believe that something of Jesus comes through in the way I do my job. I would like to believe that I am more than a disease.
I would've liked to tell you the week was insightful and I learned a lot (which is true), but what stood out was my hurt about bipolar disorder.
There is a part of me who would like to speak up and tell them it is not funny. However, I do not want to draw attention to myself on this topic.
Sometimes, I wonder if this kind of life is worth living. It is so hard to bounce back. Even when I do everything I am supposed to, I am unreliable and moody and not fun to be with. I do not like the person I became.
I wonder what God's role in this madness is? Did He give me bipolar disorder? How does He decide who should have it? If it wasn't Him, why did He allow it?
I know I have asked these questions before, but I have still not found any of the answers.
2 comments:
Well done Emtia! Sounds like you are working your butt off while endduring a lot of stupidity with an equal amount of grace. I don't have answers for you, but will be thinking off you, praying for you, and hoping that the light will come.
Al wat ek kan sê dat mense se onsensitiewe opmerkings my skok en teleurstel, regtig, waar in jou lewe....!!!!!!
ek moet jou sê dat ek al vir 'n paar horror base gewerk het wat nie bipoler was nie en alhoewel ek nie weet hoe jy by die werk is nie weet ek hoe ernstig jy dit opneem om na jouself te kyk en nie toe te laat dat die siekte jou oorneem nie. Ek bewonder jou vir die verantwoordelike manier wat jy daarmee werk, jou uithou vermoë en hoeveel ek van jou leer. Byt vas maat, ek dink jy is tien teen een 'n baie beter mens & baas as meeste van die mense in jou klas, en te oordeel aan die ou se stupid comments, definitief beter as hy!!
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