I was born in Kimberley. Kimberley is just a town in the Karoo and if it weren't for diamonds discovered there, the town might never have existed. However, diamonds were discovered and more and more people flocked there.
The open mine eventually became the biggest man made hole. It is Kimberley's claim to fame, and yet I think it is a scar. Even if they fill it up again (which will never happen), something will always be missing.
There is another big hole in my heart. I miss my community and my friends. I long to be with them and to make a lot of things I did undone. Somehow letters of apology never fix the damage caused when you spoke in anger. I long for forgiveness and acceptance. I long to experience God's love. I long to hear Him again.
I simply don't have the guts to go back after I haven't been with my community in weeks. Last week Tom and I had a discussion around crows and the community taking care like crows. I am just not sure how to go back. I don't know how to do it and yet I long to be there, to at least try to fill this hole up again.
I am in tears yet again and the week hasn't even started. Today, I think I have a hole bigger than Kimberley's in my heart.
May God give me the guts to make it through this day - Monday, 30 July 2007. May I experience something of His love for me in the not too distant future. May I experience Him through His Body once more.
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