Prodigals

This week I have been pondering on Henri Nouwen's "Prodigal Son". I think I have been the father, the younger son and once again the elder son this year.

My mom is in ICU. She had a gastrictomy on Wednesday. She is very ill. Now - I have had questions about healing for many years now. If positive confessions were to do the trick, I would have been healed. If it was about professing the name of Jesus, or getting two more people to pray with me, or even taking a leap of faith, I should have seen results... Reality (for now) does not include these miraculous interventions. Claiming that God wants to heal my emotions? I don't know.

Here is what I do know - when I read Nouwen in the beginning of the year, I could associate with the father. I did not like it - I wanted to be able to be selfish and I wanted people to care for me (for a change), yet I accomodated them.

Then, I became the younger prodigal. I took a walk on the wild side and - shock, gasp, horror - put my Bible away. I neglected my community. I was angry with the Father. A lot of things happened (which I still don't understand). Yet, I had friends who prayed for me - more than that, they offered me 'a glass of cold water in the desert'. They picked up phones and called me. They have sent text messages and emails. They kept on inviting me over, even though I declined almost all invitations. They helped me to come home again. Without these dear people, who became Jesus to me, I am not sure where I would have been tonight.

This week I somehow became the elder son again. I was shocked at the resentment I felt when I had to step in to help my mom. My siblings do not live in Johannesburg. My parents recently got divorced and my dad was not prepared to jump in. The buck had to stop somewhere - right here. I think I was a bit like the brothers in Jesus' story - I did the right thing, because it was the right thing to do. That made it wrong. This week God changed my heart. When I became tired, He sent people to hold my arms high. Aaron and Joshua became friends who offered to cook me dinner and who were prepared to come to my place of work on their day off to check in. Others prayed. I was not alone and life was not that unfair after all.

Tonight, I wish I knew which role was the easiest and the most Christ-like. I suspect that I will become all 3 of these again and again and at times we could be more than one of these characters at the same time.

For now... I cherish God's involvement in my life. I cherish the friends He gave me, people who are not scared to get their hands dirty. People who did not condemn me when I dined with the pigs, but rather became instruments of His love, tugging me back to the True Father.