Recalculating

When I upgraded my cellphone, I got a GPS unit with it. Initially I thought it was just too much trouble to install it. When I eventually got around to doing it, it became a great tool.

I also learned something from it, it recalculates your route if you did not follow the initial plan.

My world is upside down. My parents got divorced on the 7th of September this year. I helped them move into separate flats, I took my mom to the high court and sat there when the judge granted the divorce. My circumstances at work changed. I avoided my community and became alienated. I deviated from the route I set out to follow and tried to fix it with even more wrong decisions.

This morning I visited my mom in hospital and she looked so frail. It scared me. It made me realise again that I need to recalculate. I can sit in the corner and cry because I am trying to push an elephant up the stairs or I can turn to God. As frustrated as I have been the last year because I could not hear God, I certainly got no answers without calling out to Him.

I need God more than ever. I nurtured wrong habits and I know I cannot undo it with a single decision. I need to nurture new habits, new ways of doing things.

Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) said: "As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think
over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

I put all my cards on the table. Although I am exposed, I am in a better place than being on my own. This thing called community is tough, but it is the right habit.

Recalculating... counting the cost ... recalculating ... adjusting direction and course... recalculating