Soulwork

When our community changed over to the new rhythm (i.e. meeting on Wednesday / Thursday), we committed to weekly soulwork.

For tomorrow I need to memorise 1 John 4:19: "We love because he first loved us." I was also supposed to think and ask, everytime I do something 'for God' if I am doing it out of love or to earn His love.

I know the verse and it puzzles me. I do not feel right now. My EQ is gone and I do not find myself in the shell of my body. I also find it really hard to find God in anything.

As much as I would like to say "I did it all because I love Him so much" and "I know He first loved me, He even gave His life for me before I knew I was a sinner", I cannot.

I am (still) in St Theresa of Avila's camp: "I want to want to love Him". I really want to rekindle the flame of that first love, but today I am clueless as to how.