Disarmed

Last night I visited two dear friends. Jan has bipolar disorder, he used to be pastor before he got sick, but the church had difficulty with his 'mood swings' and disease in general. These days he studies Journalism.

A whole new world opened to my friend when he embarked on this new course. Amongst other things his wife is concerned about the content of the books he now enjoys. Lately he has been reading some of the Dalai Lama's work and soon the conversation steered in that direction.

In a conversation about disarming hostile countries, the Dalai Lama commented that taking their weapons away whilst their souls are still armed, is senseless. Disarming starts inside, surrender your weapons and guns will not be a temptation to you.

When Jan said this, something clicked. When I went back to my community, I did so with a huge amount of reservation and definitely armed and dangerous. I walked in with my ideas of how things will be going forward, who I will allow close to me and where my boudaries are. I was determined that nothing would get me down again and nobody would hurt me, because they won't be close enough to do so.

After listening to Jan last night, I think I heard Jesus asking me to disarm. Put down the weapons one by one. Be exposed. After all, the body is integrated. If you are not integrated, you can at best be like a broken limb - causing pain and held in position with plaster of paris.

I pray that God will grant me the guts to surrender my agenda, my arms and all my ammunition; to be disarmed again; to really be part of His body. Just one day at a time.