Theresa of Avila said: "Oh God, I don't love you, I don't even want to love you, but I want to want to love you..." This morning I understand a little of that.
I read the post on our community's site this morning (you can read it in my shared items) and I agree with everything Tom said. Yet, my plans and great ideas of a year ago are still haunting me. Jesus said his yoke is light and I love Nouwen's analogy of a child clearing a pen, but it feels difficult.
I am scared of failing again. I am scared of falling again. I am scared of isolation. I am scared to be with people. I am scared of life and looking it in the eye even once more.
I want to want to love God. I want to want to make Him Number One. I want to want to love my neighbour. I want to want to love myself.
May God have mercy on me and my neighbours today.
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