Two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My first reaction was that it changes nothing. After considering it for some time, I still do not think anything changed.
The rules are the same - my psychiatrist is a consultant, I am the manager of this disease. I still need proper sleep, healthy food, exercise, minimal caffeiene and alcohol... and my medicine.
The medicine is the real contentious issue, because it has side effects. I still can't picture Jesus as giving or allowing disease. Any disease. I honestly believes that it breaks His heart as it breaks mine.
I know a few other people living with this disease. I hear them ask the questions that I am sometimes too scared to ask, like: "Is this real or is it just in my head? Do I need the meds? Can't I just snap out of it?" However, when I look at their behaviour (and mine) I suspect that the disease is real and must be managed.
Tonight, I thank God for a community who understand this. I am still trying to find Jesus in this chaos that is my life. I sometimes catch a glimpse of Him when I am so creative and when I am weeping, I remember that He also cried.
One day at a time. That is all. Jesus was clear on us being unable to change anything by worrying about it. Just today... His grace is enough for me.
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