Low on virtual memory

My laptop does not have a lot of memory. It is also almost constantly complaining of being low on virtual memory and asking me to close applications.

Last night I was battling to speed up the computer, closing applications to stop the machine from hanging when it occurred to me that depression is a bit like that. I shut down one function after the other in an effort to survive. If you have never experienced depression, you might think I am crazy now and that everything is in my head (which is ofcourse true).

One of the things I did, was to stop talking. I stopped talking to friends. I stopped writing letters. I stopped text messages. I stopped trying to connect and in a way I think got some 'time out' and 'page expired' messages. To make it worse, I stopped talking to God - not intentionally, but trying to hear Him is like waiting for the hour glass to stop turning and turning and turning.

The ancient Jews would never stop talking - to stop talking was to admit that you entered the realm of death. They would rather fight with God because He is silent and His ear became heavy. They would question Him about suffering and pain (which is simply not done in our protestant world). They would complain to Him... but never be silent.

So then? Do I use what feels like my last breath to ask God one more time why I am unable to connect? Why do I take so long to complete a simple task? Why do I have to battle with side effects and withdrawal symptoms? Where are you and why does it seem like there is a connection error or I am using the wrong URL?